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| Pool Party! |
Tonight, I found myself standing in the kitchen stuffing 2,000 calories worth of peanut butter into my hound's kong while explaining to my sister that my other dog has a yeast infection in his ear. Through the din of her laughter I realize this isn't normal. How did we get here?
Domestic dog has existed for hundreds of years. I find it difficult to believe Ben Franklin took time away from whoring, drafting the constitution, and inventing bifocals to give Fido his allergy meds. I suppose as we get more neurotic so do our pets. Couple that with the fact that (thank God) not everyone feels the need to procreate and you have an epidemic of pets that are as neurotic as Woody Allen. Apparently, even those of us who are not maternal, tend to treat our pets as children. We also fuck them up like people fuck up their kids. While the kid is put on ADD meds & sits in front of the TV playing video games, Snickers is biting the mailman and barking 24/7.
I consider myself a good dog owner. My dogs get long walks and playtime outside everyday. In the Summer, they have pool parties. The are on a raw diet (which is bankrupting me). I spend all my spare time with my dogs. They should be happy and well-adjusted right? Wrong! Gordon, the Kong addict, is on amitriptyline for anxiety. He has a trainer and a behaviorist (also costing me a fortune). He is also ADDICTED TO HIS KONG! He gets a kong stuffed with peanut butter every night at bedtime. Once his bedtime rolls around, you better start stuffing the kong because there is much pacing & whining if you don't. This also is making him a bit porky which equals more exercise. My German Shepherd, Nitro, is fairly normal. He is friendly to both dogs and people. He does occasionally eat his own shit which I'm told is a) a breed thing, b) a nutrional deficiency, c) shit (pun intended) happens. He does have a habit of needing to be near me. He sleeps on my bed and insists on being spooned. Did I mention that both dogs have a nanny who comes if I have to be out of town or gone longer than four or five hours at a time? They have more people on staff than a Kardashian.
I'm beginning to think that I am the problem...
