Skilleroic

It's midnight and I'm doing what most people are doing at midnight; sleeping.  Granted, I'm sleeping on the sofa in my den because Bo is sick (again) and I don't want to catch whatever he might have. I am awakened by a banging on the door. Immediately, the dogs go batshit crazy;  barking, jumping on the door, etc.  At first I think they just heard a dog bark outside because WHO THE FUCK POUNDS ON YOUR DOOR AT MIDNIGHT?  An excellent question which, as I see a silhouette in my window, is immediately followed by an even better question. WHAT KIND OF RAGING DOUCHEBAG WITH A DEATH WISH POUNDS ON YOUR DOOR AT MIDNIGHT DRESSED AS FUCKING SERIAL KILLER JASON FROM FRIDAY THE 13th?

It is close to Halloween but still the facts are; midnight, lights off in house, STRANGER DRESSED AS SERIAL KILLER banging on the door. A smarter person would have called the cops immediately. I went to the dining room window for a better look. There he stands, Jason, in all his glory (or gory, rather). I missed an important item when I saw his silhouette in my door. HE'S CARRYING A FUCKING BLOODY KNIFE!  He looked something like this:

Hey!  I'm here for the party!

We stare at each other through the window. I'm trying to decide whether to run to the phone or the gun. One would think that if the man at the door happened to not be a serial killer, now would be the time to realize you just woke up the lady in the pajamas, maybe you should take off the fucking bloody ski mask and do some splaining. Not this guy. He just stares at me through bloody eye holes.

Enter Bo, stage left...Actually, I went upstairs, woke him up and DRAGGED him downstairs to take care of this!  Any normal person would have taken off by now, but our serial killer is hanging tough, still waiting on me to open the door. I guess he had a hard night of breaking into houses and decided it's time someone just offered herself up to him.

Bo is fresh off a double dose of NyQuil, so he stumbles into the room like a centipede missing 98 legs. I forgot about the gun, so I'm on to plan B. B means Bo.  Push Bo into serial killer, grab Nitro, run out the front door and hope I'm not in that Jason vs. Freddie movie.

As I prepare for flight (I've got Nitro's leash, a bag of treats, and his favorite toy), Bo engages Jason in conversation. He is sure that we are having a Halloween party tonight. The evidence of our Halloween party is all over the place; the dark house, two cars in the driveway, barking dogs, two disheveled people in pajamas. Finally, they agree there is no party here. Jason wants to know if there is another party on our street. I look at Bo standing there in his underwear, dosed up on cold meds and decide it's up to me to end this once and for all.  I give the nice young man in the costume the address of someone I can't stand. I assure him they have the same costume party every year. That's got to be the one he is looking for...