Subway the condom of fastfood?

If your first question when someone mentions they are eating at Subway is "are you dieting", it means one of two things. 1) Subway has been successful in their campaign to convince consumers they are the diet food of the fast food industry or 2) Subway is half-assed fast food.

Ever since Subway literally rolled Jared's formerly fat ass out as their spokesperson, they have been known as the healthy fast food.  They post the nutritional value of their offerings everywhere from the counter where you order to the napkins you use to wipe the fat free Ranch drippings from your mouth.  They have something for all dieters; low fat, low sugar, low carb, low calorie. It's a brilliant marketing campaign. How does any of this tripe support my hypothesis?  Here goes...

Mmmmm, Nitrates!

Have you ever looked at a Subway tomato?  They are usually pale and tasteless. For most people concerned about the food they put in their body, lunchmeat is a no no. It's full of salt, sugar, wheat and sodium Nitrate. So, you sit down with your low fat (code for high sugar) sandwich and feed your incipient type two diabetes as well as any number of tumors just waiting for a hospitable environment in which to grow. Kind of like Russian Roulette with extra bullets, isn't it?  If your food can kill you, shouldn't you at least enjoy it?  Why take the half assed approach when you can go whole hog, so to speak?

Did somebody call for a heart attack?

If you are going to be bad, be really bad!  Why eat tasteless shit that will kill you a tiny bit slower when you can double down?  Who can't get behind KFC's intoxicating combination of fried chicken, cheese, bacon, and mayo?  Tasteless it's not.  I hope the genius who threw away the bun to add extra chicken is a wealthy man. Lets face it, only a man could come up with this wonder.


How does this tie in with condoms?  Did I just use the condom title to draw you in (and possibly raise your ire)?  Not at all!  Men have long complained that condoms take most of the feeling out of sex. They aren't talking about emotion. While condoms do lower the odds of an unwanted pregnancy, they aren't 100% reliable for preventing anything. Whether it is operator error (these are the dumbasses who fuck up & add more dumb kids to the world) or a mistake at the condom factory, even while using condoms you still get pregnancies and STDs while lowering enjoyment. Why eat at Subway when you could have the heart attack at KFC?